"What were you wearing?"
Published on 01-11-2023 11:00
It is not always easy to confide in someone after an unpleasant experience. Especially when you have to deal with all kinds of questions and negative reactions. One may - unintentionally and unconsciously - react accusingly instead of supporting: so-called 'victim blaming'.
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The UvA wants to provide a safe environment, where staff and students know there are opportunities to talk about experiences or ask for help in finding a solution.
A good initial response can lower the barrier to seeking help. Therefore, it is important to respond supportively when someone confides in you. What is the best way to do this?
- You get startled when someone tells you about an unpleasant experience. This is understandable, but stay calm, don't panic and listen without judging.
- Say it's not his or her fault.
- Show that he or she is not alone.
- Express that if an experience didn't feel okay to him or her, it wasn't okay. And that you may seek help for that.
- Seek appropriate help together.
Whatever has happened, for all experiences the following applies: if it doesn't feel okay then it's not okay. If your boundary has been crossed, you may always seek help.