"What were you wearing?"

Published on 01-11-2023 11:00

It is not always easy to confide in someone after an unpleasant experience. Especially when you have to deal with all kinds of questions and negative reactions. One may - unintentionally and unconsciously - react accusingly instead of supporting: so-called 'victim blaming'.

The UvA wants to provide a safe environment, where staff and students know there are opportunities to talk about experiences or ask for help in finding a solution.

A good initial response can lower the barrier to seeking help. Therefore, it is important to respond supportively when someone confides in you. What is the best way to do this?

You get startled when someone tells you about an unpleasant experience. This is understandable, but stay calm, don't panic and listen without judging.
Say it's not his or her fault.
Show that he or she is not alone.
Express that if an experience didn't feel okay to him or her, it wasn't okay. And that you may seek help for that.
Seek appropriate help together.

Whatever has happened, for all experiences the following applies: if it doesn't feel okay then it's not okay. If your boundary has been crossed, you may always seek help.

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